If any of you guys enjoy my self-absorbed bitching and are tired of re-reading all my old posts, here, have a fucking ton of it.

I don’t understand why I always feel so alone. There are people I like who say that they like me and I spend a decent amount of time with them and generally enjoy the time I spend with them. The thing is I can’t get rid of this feeling that I’m somehow doing something wrong. I’m a new part of a pre-established group and I feel like, because of that, I’ll never be a true part of it. I’m somehow doing or saying things that annoy the living fuck out of everyone else but no one wants to say so. I just can’t get the thought everyone secretly hates my fucking guts no matter how much I hear to the contrary. They’re somehow not enjoying themselves as much because I’m there. Hell, maybe I’m doing something to make them think I’m not enjoying the time I’m spending with them. It’s always something in my mind.

The last time I was part of a group, I did something fucking stupid and now I have to practically beg anyone from that group, people I considered to be real friends that I could rely on and talk to about anything, to say even the most trivial thing to me. I just admitted one thing and suddenly, no one wants a damn thing to do with me. Granted, it was sort of a big thing that came fairly out of the blue and I probably shouldn’t have kept after it for so long, but still, I don’t understand why it suddenly made me an outcast.

I’ve failed and disappointed so many people in my short and, so far, wasted life. Lately I can’t think straight. I’m not doing things I need to be doing. I can’t find my way out of this haze of depression and angst. Maybe I need someone I can talk to. Maybe I need someone to punch me in the stomach and tell me to get over myself. All I know us that I need to find some way out quickly before everything goes to hell completely.

I’m sick of typing out these stupid, self absorbed, long winded, super angsty “Oh, boo-hoo, nobody likes me” posts, but this is the only way I have to vent right now. I don’t have anyone that I feel like I can rely on to talk to about this. I sincerely do appreciate people who follow me on here putting up with all these. Something about putting all of these up on the internet for anyone to see both kills me and somehow gives me a weird feeling comfort.

I’ll shut up now.

I’ll probably delete this later.

God damn, look at all that shit up there. Maybe I should just be happy I have any friends at all when I’m doing shit like this.